wow...so i havent wrote here in a long time! so just a lil quick up date...i live on my own now with my roommate and bf...so on and so forth

So its been some time since I have been on here and I really dont know who even gets on this anymore. But a lot of the stuff is the same Im still working part time and taking care of Aly in my free time. I'm kind of dating this guy named Adam and so far hes great!! lol He has 2 kids that are sooo cute. Well I just thought I do a quick update before I head to bed seeing how im sick!!

Well...since I havent been on here in forever I thought it was time for me to get on and update since a lot of stuff has been going on.

Jason never ended up coming to mi pretty much lied to me about everything. So we ended up breaking up & seem to be better friend now then we ever were!

I started dating this guy Allan and stuff couldnt be better. We have been together for 3 mths now. Everything thing between us has been going very well...His friend are even treat me well...even though I am young (all his friends are bout 10 yrs older then me lol) Last weekend he took me to a U of M football game my very first one ever, we had awesome seats row 5 right behind the field goal. He was even there for me when I had surgery about 2 months ago!

So stuff for me has been up and down...I had surgery about 2 months ago to have my lymphoid removed from my neck. And then now I'm having more medical probs. I ended up going to the doctor one day because I kept blacking out and getting really shaky and dizzy. They did a EKG to see how my heart was and there were time my heart beat was raised. Then they sent me home with a 24hr heart mont. which when results came back it showed my heart rate at times raised up to 169 bpm while I was resting. So because of that I had a stress test done on my heart which everything came back fine. So the next step was to get a CT scan done of my brain, which showed I had a mass on my brain. Then I went to get a MRI done on my brain which came back fine...but come to find out they didnt do the MRI correct they didnt give me the contrast like they should of. So now I have to go to a specialist at MSU to hopefully find out whats going on. But while all those tests were going on my doctor wouldnt let me work...but now I'm back to work at least part time! Yay!

For my sisters they are doing good getting big, Hailey is now in 4th grade and even more of a pain in the butt playing football and everything with the boys at school. Leah is now 4yrs old keeping busy around the house!

But other then that everything is going fine!!!

So...Jason is coming to MI next week for a few days I cant wait!

So its been a while since I've updated this but I guess everything is still the same ol bullshit just another day!

I'm finally 21 and I love it...I've been going out every weekend with friends! Which is always a really good time. I'm still working at the same place, Im so ready to get out of there but I'm looking to get a second job for the summer so that way I'll be able to save up money for my trip to see Jason, and for if I move to Germany. Something I would love to do but at the same time its going to be so hard to leave all my friends and family behind for that period of time.

Jason is going to be leaving Iraq sometime this week, I'm so excited for him to come home I really do miss him and cant wait to hear his voice again!!

I went on a date on Saturday, with Ashley's boyfriends room mate. The date was fun...at first it felt a lil weird going out with him seeing how he's 28 but I guess age really dont matter! He took me out to dinner and then we went to the Cowboy to get our drink on. Of course there was drama...this girl that he was out with last weekend was there and was pretty pissed of course that I was there with him! Anytime I left him she was all over him and texting him the whole night!! Then out of the blue she came up to me and yelled "He's gonna fuck you and screw you over" That was coming from a girl thats 22 and has 2 kids. I guess she thinks that I'm just gonna fuck him...how bout not!! But he kept telling me the whole night he was sorry!! :) After all that fun we went back to his place where Ashley and her bf were, played some Guitar Hero and Singstar...which I might say I did pretty well for being drunk! lol I just hope everything works out for us...if not oh well I'm not going to let my guard down...Im 21 there is soo much more to life then a guy. But he did say something about hanging out on Thursday so I guess we will see what happens then.

Other then that everything is the same...

Its weird to this how time sometimes times flys by...In under two weeks I’ll be turning 21! It’s crazy to think about because I remember always wishing that I was 21. Not that I will be I’m questioning it...Am I ready to be 21? The one person that I would love to be at my 21st birthday won’t be able to come, it sucks but I can’t be upset because he is doing something good for the country! But when the summer comes and I go out there to see him we will celebrate both of our birthday’s together at the bars!
He’s finally called me the other day and I missed it...The whole time change is whats getting me..He said that he would call me on Sat. I didn’t know he ment Sat. one their time! He said they were getting attacked...That he would try to call me tomorrow! When I hear that they are getting attacked I worry...But I know that they keep them safe! Just a little over a month until he gets to leave there and I can’t wait to be able to talk to him on the phone again!
I’m thinking about maybe getting a second job this summer...Just so I can have some extra spending money and pay off all my bills. Then I would have extra money for if I move...Just a party time job. Nothing too much...Something on the weekends and after work for a few hours.

I am a military girlfriend.
I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be.
I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card; I am not a dependent or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this. I am a military girlfriend.I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away.People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me.I know full and well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.I am a military girlfriend. There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment, though I love him no less for it. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotionssmiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where I love you and Im okay speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going. I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, and every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day. I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness. I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please dont forget about me too.

I'm so ready for spring to come already I cant take this cold weather anymore! 34 days til I turn 21 and I can't wait...My cousins are going to come out which is gonna be awesome! But Jason wont be able to come which sucks but were going to celebrate when I go out to NJ!!
I want a new job... I cant take the place I'm working at anymore...The new manager is letting everything go to his head and being an asshole! Its just soo hard to find a job in Jackson!! Fuck...I guess Im screwed for now!

So I talked to Jason today in Iraq..he said they were getting shot at! They were hitting so close that he could feel the air from when they hit! I'm soo worried about him and he still has until May before he can come home!

Spangdalhem, Germany is where I might be moving in October! I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

How shitty would it be to spend you birthday in Iraq?!?! Well Jason's turning 22 on Sunday and I have no idea on what to send him. I mean I just sent him a package with a bunch of stuff in it and Valentines Day gift. I totally dont know what to get him for his birthday. I mean it wont even get there on time...damn customs!! Maybe I'll order something online and send it to him that way, maybe it will get there faster?

I found out yest. that he got me something for Valentines Day...Lol prob some sand from Iraq!! Haha...nah I know he's better then that!

Woah! It's been a long time since I updated this! I guess not much has really changed I'm still working 24/7. Gave up on drinking for a while so that I can get back in shape before the summer. I'm thinking about getting my tattoo on my back finished before Jason gets back from Iraq!

Jason has 3 more months until he gets back from Iraq and it's killing me not being able to talk to him on the phone. It's just not the same talking to him online I really do miss his voice! I plan on going to see him the end of July or so and spend a lil over a week with him. Then he goes to Germany for two years!!! BUT...He asked me to move to Germany with him! Yay! He wants to get us a house but I will settle for an apt. It's going to be hard to move away from my family but I think this experience will be good for me! I'm tryin to get a job on a Air Force base that way he dont have to pay for everything over there, and tryin to learn German. Ugh! So as of right now the plan is I move to Germany maybe in October...everything is still up in the air because as we all know you can trust the Military. (But Germany really does beat our plans of moving to CA)

Lacey is back in NJ with Michael home...I really can say I miss her tons!!! We really didnt talk or see each other much while Micheal was in Iraq but I now understand what she went through. I'm also planning on going to see her this summer. Yay! I just cant wait for her to have a lil Michael or Lacey running around! Hopefully she will before I leave...

Well...thats a lil updated on my life hopefully I will get on here a lil more often!

So I realize that's its been a while since I did an update on here...but to me I'm like who cares because its not like anyone ever reads it and I feel like I just use it to rant and rave on.

So lately Lacey and I barley talk...Ever since Michael left for Iraq I talk to her way less then I did when she was in NJ. It kind of feels like I lost someone who I thought was my best friend...Life goes on though right?

I seem to only work and party now a days...I'm starting to think that I am drinking wayyyy to much, my weekend seems to always be go out to E.Lansing...stay at Joels; drink and party! I mean I know when to stop myself but at the same time I dont wanna...

I'm starting to think that I should just give up on guys for a while...I found a guy that I was starting to fall for then he stands me up. I just dont under stand guys!

I'm not a huge fan of the club seen...I went yest with Ashely & Joel and had an awesome time! Still unsure about the whole random guy situation where they come up and dance all on you.

Ugg...the holiday season is coming and to tell you the truth I'm not looking forward to it. It's been a while since I've had a guy to spend the holidays with, and last time I did I was pregnant...which means the 2 yr ann. of my miscarriage is coming up...something else that really sucks. I mean having a 1 yr old right now...I dont know what I would do, but at the same time its really hard to think of how my life would be right now if Nevaeh was around... I know I wouldnt be out drinking all the time...and I prob wouldnt have all the great friends that I do. Ugg...Fuck the holidays...thats what I think right now! :(

Im sooo tired of guys!! I cant take it anymore...I hate guys that 2 time a girl...wtf goes through their head!!! I really wish Nick would read this...but I know he wont!!

Fall is here and Im excited about that...It means camping and drinking out by the fire. Two weeks until camping and corn mazes though and so far it's only Joel, Kyle and I that are for sure going! I seem never to be home anymore on the weekends I'm always out in EL hanging out with Nick and the guys! Which is always an awesome time when Im out there with them.

Got my tonsils out Tue...and it still sucks I want to be able to go out and drink and party but I'm stuck at home eatting jello and pudding...something you can get tired of very fast. But I mean haveing two weeks off work is a nice break.

Other then that nothing is really going on...I kind of wish I would know more about whats going on in my life relationship wise...but you know how guys are they never know anything when it come to that hehe! I mean there is a guy I've been hanging out with for like 4 months now...but still nothing has really came out of that yet...I would love to be his girlfriend but Im not gonna be the one to come straight out and be like what the fuck is going on with us...cause I kind of like how everything is going on now (weird i know)

well time for me to shower and such before I head out to EL to hang out with Joel and Kyle!!

I'm so ready for school to start but at the same time I'm not...because that means Nick will be heading back up to school. Working full time and going to school full time will prob suck ass but oh well I need the money to pay for it. Anyways I plan on being up in East Lansing alot of my weekends to party and what not! I feel like alot of my friends are like drifting away...It sucks. It just means time to make more new friends...

It really sucks that summer has gone by so fast...I just dont want it to end because that would mean that nick will be going back up to school and I dont know how often I'll be able to see him. I mean its only about a 20/30 min drive and it would be worth it as long as I get to see him. But I like meeting up with him after midnight when he's done with work, or just going to see him on his lunch break. Going to meijer at 1:00 am to buy some random idems then stayin up til 4:00 am talking and doing whatever. I'm really going to miss that...but I'm hopeing something will come out of this whole summer fling between us and if it doesnt oh well life goes on!
So I have to go for a cat scan tuesday...the doctor said I might have to get my toncils out...yea 20 yrs old and getting my toncils out how weird is that?!? Gah...of course it comes at a time when school will be starting up again!
I'm ready for school to start back up...this year I'm really going to try. I'm ready to start my career instead of learning about it...I just think that in a way when I am able to teach that my life will almost be complete at that time!

So since Chris and I broke up...I've been going out and having a good time. Working and being with my family.

There is this guy at my work...that I've been friends with. One day I hope to be a little more but right now he has a g/f and that sucks because he is a really nice guy! But isnt that how it always works.

After 2 weeks at my job Im getting promoted next week...I am super excited. No more getting bitched at by random people!!

So I couldn't be any happier how everything is going in my life as of now...I'm hopeing that things wont change once the summer is over.
Lately I've been hanging out with Nick, any chance that we both have time. With me working days and him working nights its really hard to find time to hang out, unless I wanna hang out at midnight when I have to work the next day. But so far everything has been working out...lets hope something good will come out of this before he heads back to MSU this fall.
My new job is going well...everyone I work with is really helpful and we know how to make work fun when were slow. I think the best part of it all was yesterday when some random lady called me a Stupid Bitch then hung up on me lol oh well...it makes the day better!! haha

I'm tired of being in the house all weekend sick...I really just want to go out and do something....Hang out with Nick, go to the mall...just something at all.

Lately I've been talking with Nick...my friends brother. I'm really happy right now cause were both not ready to rush into anything. Were just taking it day by day. Kind of sucks though cause we work totally diff. hours from each other...I work days and he works night, by the time he is done with work I'm in bed already cause I gotta be up before 7 for work.

I've now starting working for American Eletric Power...it beats being in early contact at work and calling people all day

So I desided that I wanted to go camping this weekend looks like Sat-Sun will be perfect days for it also. So I'm excited and now I just have to check and see if Chris is working.
One more week before I go back to work...I'm really ready to start but I wish I could go to TN with my sisters and my mom. Damn thats one thing I hate about working and haveing bills!!